the red and blue of me

hmm.. I'm going to try to write this blog in Tagalog.

So, have you ever .. Hmm.. Let's do this again.
(thinking of the tagalog translation of "have you ever")
(still thinking.......)

I give up! It takes too long to write in Tagalog.

Updates:

• There's a cute Asian guy in my building. Not sure if he lives here or is visiting someone.
• I spoke to a "relative" this weekend and she drove me nuts! I don't ever want to speak to her again. She has some positive qualities but her negative qualities just shine through her. She wants so badly to become "puti" and puts down everything filipino.
• I've been having dreams about the Philippines - my old friends, family, ex, school, everything!
• I sang at a karaoke bar with my friend chuch for almost 4 hours!!

by Kathryn Shield

The Seattle Times recently ran an article about a woman who went back to college two decades after her original class had graduated. The accompanying picture showed a 40-something woman wearing a T-shirt with the wry slogan, “Older Than U.”
Well, she sure didn’t look older than me, but I knew where she was coming from. I, too, am a middle-aged student who took a long break between college stints. But if I wore an “Older Than U” T-shirt to class, none of the other students would even see it, because I’m getting my master's degree online.
Some people might think that online distance education is an easy way to get a quickie degree without all the hard work. Some people would be wrong. Take it from me: An online degree program is just as challenging as getting a degree from a brick-and-mortar university.

Is online learning for everyone? No. But here are some pros, cons, and reasons why it has been a good match for me.
First, a quick bio: I’m a single mom with a demanding full-time job. I got my B.A. degree from Yale University about 25 years ago (when dinosaurs still walked the Earth). Yale’s a mighty good school, so I felt sure I had all the education I needed in life--and I probably did, until recently.
A little over a year ago I started feeling like I needed a new challenge. I wanted to move on to more interesting projects at work, and in my department here at Microsoft, that means helping create new products for students and teachers. How could I show my managers that I was ready to take an important role in this initiative? Well, how about if I went out and got a master's degree in education? Bingo!

Thinking About an Online Degree?
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eLearning: Online degrees
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How distance learning works
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Who would hire an online grad?

First I tracked down catalogs from local colleges and universities. There were some good programs to choose from, but they all required attending class on campus--not easy to do while holding down a full-time day job. Some offered evening classes, but there were still many disadvantages to this option, such as having to pay a baby-sitter, drive to the school, park, etc. It would also mean spending a lot less time with my young daughter. Sorry, not happening.
So I started looking into online universities. Now, I admit it, I started this venture as something of an Ivy League-degree-holding snob when it came to education. Getting a degree online seemed a bit like buying a strength training course from the back of a comic book. How legit could it be? (See the article, "Are Online Degrees Real?")

It was the convenience factor that finally won me over. Just think: I could go online and attend class while my little girl slept in the other room. I could wear pajamas and bunny slippers "in class." I could study anytime, anywhere (coffee shop with Wi-Fi + laptop = classroom). With some accelerated programs, such as the M.Ed. program offered by AIU Online, I could even get my degree in less than a year. What's not to like?

There is one obvious difference between online learning and the traditional classroom. I’ve never actually seen my professors or fellow students. I’ve “met” them in classroom chats, phone conversations, IM, and e-mail. We’ve even collaborated on group projects. But getting together for a cup of coffee just doesn’t happen when the class is scattered around the world. I’ve listened to presentations from professors in New York, Texas, Tennessee, and Illinois. My classmates attended online lectures from such diverse locations as Florida, Montana, Hawaii, Guatemala, and Guam. A few students joined the class while traveling, logging in from hotels and airports. Somehow, we’ve been able to bridge cultures and time zones to build a community of learners.
Which is not to say that all is rosy in the online world. Sometimes it’s just plain awkward and uncomfortable. One professor told us repeatedly that she wished she could see our reactions so she’d know if we were following what she said. In another class, the chat forum became an interactive showdown when one stressed-out student accused another student of plagiarism. The class jumped in to defend the accused, and heated words were exchanged. Finally, the professor stepped in and virtually separated the students from the online brawl. Sure, some variation of this could happen in an actual classroom. But angry words in a chat room stay online for people to read again and again. We learned the hard way that discretion is the better part of getting along with people you have to work with again in the next class.

Online education is not for everyone, but for me, it was the right choice at the right time. Maybe it’s an age thing. Back when I was “younger than U” I was eager to meet people and make new friends. I’m glad I spent my undergraduate years on a traditional campus, complete with roommates, cafeteria food, and football games. (I mean, what kind of team would an online university have? The Fighting Modems? The Virtual Vikings?) At this point in my life, however, I’m not looking for opportunities to socialize. Family, friends, and co-workers provide all the “face time” I need.
I have now completed the master's program, and I admit that my snobbery about online degrees was totally misplaced. This online program was the real deal, and it took hard work and true dedication to get through it. My classmates and I devoted 12 to 20 hours a week to our schoolwork. Everyone made sacrifices. For me, going back to school meant saying goodbye to spare time, folded laundry, and a weeded garden, and hello to chronic sleep deprivation.

Has it been worth it? Oh, yes! Originally, I thought going back to school was just an investment in my career. Of course, career advancement is a big part of it, but I’ve gained much more than that. My mind has been opened to a world of information and ideas. I’ve rediscovered the joy of learning.
I’ve also found out what I’m made of. Getting any kind of college degree, especially when you’ve already got a job and a family, takes time, effort, and the stubbornness to keep going when part of you just wants to quit. It’s tiring. It’s mentally consuming. And it’s the best darn decision I’ve made in years.
There's just one question left for me to deal with:Now that I’ve finished school, what am I going to do with all that spare time?

For information about online learning programs, see: eLearning: Online Degrees.A helpful FAQ on the topic is found in the article, "How Distance Learning Works."To learn how employers view online degrees, check out "Who Would Hire an Online Grad?"

-Kathryn Shield is an education editor in Microsoft's Education Product Group.

Latest updates:

• I'm back to cooking again. :) I used to cook all the time (even though I can't cook). I bought eggs and sausage patties, tilapia, steaks, rice, teriyaki sauce and my favorite drinks: v8 tropical juice and vanilla soy milk. :) Oh, I also bought fruit cups. Yum yum!
• I cleaned my apartment this weekend!!! I actually feel like I live at a new place.
• I have all channels of HBO again!!!!! Yeah, I can't miss the last season of Sopranos.

Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were meant to be there, to serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson, or to help you figure out who you are or who you want to become. You never know who these people may be (possibly your roommate, neighbor, teacher, fraternal brother or sister, long lost friend, lover, or even a complete stranger), but when you lock eyes with them, you know that at that very moment they will affect your life in some profound way.

And sometimes things happen to you that may seem horrible, painful, and unfair at first, but in reflection you find that without overcoming those obstacles you would have never realized your potential, strength, willpower, or heart.

Everything happens for a reason. Nothing happens by chance or by means of good luck. Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness, and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of your soul. Without the small tests, whatever they may be, life would be like a smoothly paved, straight flat road to nowhere. It would be safe and comfortable, but dull and utterly pointless.

The people you meet who affect your life, and the success and downfalls you experience, help to create who you are and who you become. Even the bad experiences can be learned from. In fact, they are probably the most poignant and important ones. If someone hurts you, betrays you, or breaks your heart, forgive them, for they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious to when you open your heart. If someone loves you, love them back unconditionally, not only because they love you, but because in a way, they are teaching you to love and how to open your heart and eyes to things. Make every day count.

Appreciate every moment and take from those moments everything that you possibly can for you may never be able to experience it again. Talk to people that you have never talked to before, and actually listen. Let yourself fall in love, break free, and set your sights high. Hold your head up because you have every right to. Tell yourself you are a great individual and believe in yourself, for if you don’t believe in yourself, it will be hard for others to believe in you.
You can make your life anything you wish. Create your own life and then go out and live it with absolutely no regrets. Most importantly, if you love someone tell them, for you never know what tomorrow may have in store. And finally, enjoy looking forward to learning a new lesson each day and enjoying the journey.

My dad and stepmom are away for the weekend so I am the weekend babysitter. I took the kids to Andrew's basketball game then took them to park to enjoy the glorious weather.

I enjoy the company of my siblings. There are no games with them. What you see is what you get. They let you know when they are hungry, hurt, uncomfortable and give you the biggest smiles when they are having fun. They ask anything they want to ask and pretty much tell you whatever they want to share. Of course they still do care about what other people think but care about their interests first.

Article 2


According to Tennov (1978), infatuation is unfulfilled desire, i.e. your infatuation fades away if the person unconditionally and fully returns your love. It is the hard-to-get person that really turns you on. If they spurn you completely, however, you are crushed. It's a delicate situation. In addition, there are other problems with being "head-over-heels" in love. First, the infatuated person exaggerates the loved one's good traits and ignores the bad ones. It seems as though this is the only person who could satisfy his/her needs. One is infatuated with a fantasy, not the real person. Second, infatuation involves many of the same sensations and experiences as love--preoccupation with the loved one, strong attraction, an aching heart, butterflies in the stomach, restless sleep, etc. Not surprisingly, infatuation is likely to be interpreted as "true love" by inexperienced persons even though they do not know much about the lover and their needs are not being met. It is important to mentally realize (contrary to what you feel ) that being infatuated with someone tells you very little about your compatibility with that person. How can one tell if it is true love or infatuation? There is no sure method. Tennov suggests it takes time and honest sharing of feelings in a variety of situations to know love. Eventually, you discover that besides yearning to touch them, you genuinely like, enjoy, and respect each other as friends (if it is love and not just infatuation).

Peele and Brodsky (1976) liken love to an addiction. If you feel someone is necessary to make your life bearable, you are addicted to that person. As they say, "The ever-present danger of withdrawal creates an ever-present craving." Certainly the thought of losing our loved one would traumatize many of us. What is the difference between healthy love and addictive love? Consider your answers to these questions: Is each person his/her own person, i.e. equal and independent? Are both improved by the relationship? Is one dedicated to serving, improving, or "saving" the other? Do both have outside interests, including other friendships? Do they foster or resent the other's growth? Are the lovers also good friends? Refer to the discussion of codependency in chapter 8. And, see Bireda (1992) and Forward & Buck (1990) for advice about obsessive love.

Before I leave for home, I would like to post some exerpts from articles I just read about romantic love and rational love. (Yeah, I had time to browse the net after getting slammed by a ton of work!!)

Article 1

There are two kinds of love called by various names: healthy versus unhealthy, mature versus immature or romantic versus rational.

Romantic love is based upon pleasure and passion. It is rooted in the self and not the other because it is the emotional high it gives that is paramount and not the needs and feelings of the other.

In rational love, passion and pleasure are important but not paramount. It is equally rooted in the needs of the self and the other. In its ideal form, rational love arrives at a point after many years of commitment and struggle at which the needs of the other become as important as the needs of the self.

Romantic love is time limited. The passion usually burns itself out in a few short months or years. When that happens, the believer in romantic love may then try to rediscover it with someone else. Life then becomes a futile search for a continuous emotional high. Based upon commitment and cognizant of the needs of the other, rational love lasts longer than romantic love, perhaps even a lifetime! Although never reaching the high of romantic love, rational love can result in an increasingly satisfactory sex life between a husband and a wife. Sex can become better with each year of marriage as trust, familiarity and fondness are deepened.

Romantic love is based upon an idealized, unrealistic vision of the other. Clouded by passion, it either glosses over the faults of the other or assumes they will be changed with time. Rational love is more honest and realistic. It beholds the other objectively and critically yet still exclaims "I love you."

Romantic love can be a function of unresolved childhood problems. It may seek the fusion of the original mother-child relationship that leaves the child feeling completely safe, secure and protected but helpless. ­Rational love is based more upon maturity and independence. Although able to depend upon the other when appropriate, people who are rationally in love can also stand on their own emotionally. Because it depends upon the maintenance of an emotional high, romantic love fears change, growth and aging as threats to its existence. Rational love welcomes change as an opportunity to achieve greater intimacy and to grow together in life, not apart.

Since television, movies and Madison Avenue bombard our young people with messages about the glories of romantic love for the attainment of happiness, perhaps we adults should be telling them they are being duped.