the red and blue of me

its officially the end of summer here in austin, tx. its cold. the heat is on. my fingers and toes are cold. i am wearing a coat while i work.

the cold weather usually reminds me of new york, but this time it reminds me of my family in manila... specially my older sister. it's her birthday soon and i miss her. i hate that we are so far apart!!! I hate missing her birthdays, her wedding, her daughter's birthdays, and pretty much every other milestone in her life!

last weekend i gained a friend. i have known her for more than a couple of years but i never really realized how important she is to me (and my family) until last weekend. she got in trouble and was put in a very de-humanizing place. just the thought of her in that situation was very painful and scary to me. i was in tears, i was worried and was very sorry that i couldn't do anything but pray. i prayed for her safety, for courage and strength.

i literally have TONS of thoughts in my head.. its way too much that i think its going to explode. so i am going to list most (if not all) of them in some kindof order...

1) i love True Blood - i like how it crosses lots of boundaries, touches lots of subjects that people normally wouldn't talk about and of course, i like the thought of falling for a vampire.. something is just so sexy and wrong at the same time. very, very naughty!

2) i joioned the national karaoke league (click here for more info) and my team is currently at 2nd place. playoffs start two weeks from now.
i am really glad that i joined nkl. its nice to be surrounded with people who love music as much as i do and who are not afraid to make a fool of themselves. we are all equal when we perform - we are stripped off of our social status, race, professions, etc.. all we have is ourselves and our love for music. how much real can you get??

3) i cannot tolerate people who do not do as they say. i can't help but view them as hypocrites if they themselves don't do what they want me to do.
some people will think of me as stubborn mostly because of this reason. if you tell me to do something, be prepared to show me that you are doing it too.. otherwise, your words are junk.

4) i also cannot tolerate people who are toxic... these are the people who always have something to complain about/ are never happy/ have thoughts that are always based on assumptions.. assumptions can be deadly specially if you make decisions based on assumptions.. if there is a question in your head (why did she do that? why did he do that? ) please ask questions... do not answer your own questions because they are most often false.

5) your thoughts control your life - if you think it, it will happen. so think happy thoughts. dream. think of how you want your life to be and eventually it will happen. i know that for fact.

Some of my friends in Manila told me that my hubby looks like Nigel Barker from America's Next Top Model... Below are photos of my hubby bub bub and Nigel Barker. They kindof look alike but I think my baby looks better :)

Permit me to weigh in on a crucial recurrent theme from our blog communities.
I can relate to many of our participants who acknowledge that we are in a unique time in history. Never before has a generation of adults been "sandwiched" between the crushing needs of elderly parents and the profound physical, economic, and psychological needs of children in the setting of constant expectations from corporate America. It is indeed a wonder that we all do not wind up in a psychiatric hospital.

Let me reflect for a moment on my grandparents. They were hard-working, first-generation immigrants who were essentially promised the American dream. Show up, work hard, have some basic education and almost anything is achievable. Now look at today.

With the bewildering pace of technology and with the globalization of commerce, events and circumstances around the world can impact each of us in a second. So what can we do from a practical perspective to keep us focused and on task? For many of us, it is the acknowledgment that yes, it is OK to take care of ourselves. Yes, it is OK to get a good night's sleep. Yes, it is OK to turn down that business luncheon or that early morning meeting and simply say, "Thank you, but this will not work with my schedule."

We are clearly hearing very loudly that if we continue to give and do not replenish our minds, bodies, and souls our tank will be dry, the reservoir of energy runs out and there is nothing left.
So we can take a lesson from the playbook of great spiritual thinkers from a variety of faith systems. Yes, it is OK to take care of ourselves, and yes, it is OK to recognize and acknowledge that like the camel there is a limit to what we can do.

So please share with us how to creatively and effectively say "no" to those bewildering tasks and individuals that absolutely drain our vitality.

it's saturday morning - 4 days before my wedding. i should be doing lots of things like prepping the house and going food shopping for my 12+ house guests, wrapping all of the gifts for my wedding party, writing thank you notes, writing some email, etc., etc. but instead, i am in bed, in my pj's watching all kinds of commencement speeches. i have watched oprah's speech at stanford u for probably 5x now and everytime i watch it, i learn something new. i just finished watching steve job's speech also at stanford u. they said lots of inspiring and thought - provoking words that I decided to blog about them. below are excerpts from some of the speeches that I really liked:

From Steve Jobs:

1. "Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary."
2. "Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish."
3. "Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever."
   

From Oprah Winfrey:

1. " When you're doing the work you're meant to do, it feels right and every day is a bonus, regardless of what you're getting paid.
2. It's true. And how do you know when you're doing something right? How do you know that? It feels so. What I know now is that feelings are really your GPS system for life. When you're supposed to do something or not supposed to do something, your emotional guidance system lets you know. The trick is to learn to check your ego at the door and start checking your gut instead. Every right decision I've made—every right decision I've ever made—has come from my gut. And every wrong decision I've ever made was a result of me not listening to the greater voice of myself.
3. If it doesn't feel right, don't do it. That's the lesson. And that lesson alone will save you, my friends, a lot of grief. Even doubt means don't. This is what I've learned. There are many times when you don't know what to do. When you don't know what to do, get still, get very still, until you do know what to do.
4. And when you do get still and let your internal motivation be the driver, not only will your personal life improve, but you will gain a competitive edge in the working world as well. Because, as Daniel Pink writes in his best-seller, A Whole New Mind, we're entering a whole new age. And he calls it the Conceptual Age, where traits that set people apart today are going to come from our hearts—right brain—as well as our heads. It's no longer just the logical, linear, rules-based thinking that matters, he says. It's also empathy and joyfulness and purpose, inner traits that have transcendent worth.

These qualities bloom when we're doing what we love, when we're involving the wholeness of ourselves in our work, both our expertise and our emotion.

So, I say to you, forget about the fast lane. If you really want to fly, just harness your power to your passion. Honor your calling. Everybody has one. Trust your heart and success will come to you."

From JK Rowling:

1. "There is an expiry date on blaming your parents for steering you in the wrong direction; the moment you are old enough to take the wheel, responsibility lies with you."
2. "The knowledge that you have emerged wiser and stronger from setbacks means that you are, ever after, secure in your ability to survive. You will never truly know yourself, or the strength of your relationships, until both have been tested by adversity. Such knowledge is a true gift, for all that it is painfully won, and it has been worth more to me than any qualification I ever earned."

From Omid Kordestani

1. He must think and act like an immigrant- discover, be optimistic, and have a sense of place. Don’t let anyone tell you that “you cannot.” Believe in your immigrant routes.
2. Follow your instincts, not the money. Don’t be an engineer just becaused you’re trained, don’t be in i-banking just because of your experience.
3. It’s all about the path. Work and family is still a tough balance- now it is a work-life blend. You’re the never done learning or understanding your ultimate path… don’t be defined or limited by the steps you have taken in life or the degree you have chosen. Don’t worry that you have no idea what you want to do next.

after going through about 8 months of wedding planning, i realize that wedding planning is pretty much part of the wedding/marriage itself. its kindof like a sneak peek in to your soon-to-be married life. it will give you an insight of how you and your hubby-to-be will make decisions together as a couple and as part of each other's families (and friends). it will definitely test your patience, tolerance, creativity, budgeting skills, focus, priorities, likes and dislikes and in a very weird way, wedding planning will bring out the best and worst in you, your friends and families. its true what they say, "life is what happens when you're busy making other plans."

but if you think deeper, you will realize that planning in general will pretty much test you as a person as much as wedding planning does (maybe not to the same extent, but it does). specially if you plan with a group of people. it will test your priorities, focus, skills, personalities, patience, etc., etc. if really sink your teeth in to planning, put your mind where your hands are, and not just focus solely on the goal, you will reap the benefits of planning. i always say that i plan ahead not because i am looking forward to attaining the goal, i plan because i enjoy all the activities, steps and benefits of planning. attaining the goal is just a bonus after all the planning is done.

when people ask me if I am looking forward to the wedding/honeymoon I always pause and then eventually say yes. I pause because I am surprised at their question. I am surprised as to why people don't ask me how I am doing right now. I want to say that I am enjoying all the planning that I am doing right now and all the wedding stuff that I have done. The future right now is kindof just that - the future. My mind, I guess, is more pre-occupied with what's happening right now instead of looking forward in to the future. That probably doesn't make sense to people, but it does to me.

the "big day" is only a month away! holy guacamole!!!! in a way its a bit comforting to know that the wedding is just around the corner.. I can finally stop myself from thinking about it! freedom at last from wedding planning!!!! yay!!! my thoughts are finally mine again!

wedding planning is very, very, very energy consuming. specially if you are like me who enjoys planning and making all kinds of crafty stuff... i think i am the kind of person who likes to take on responsibilities and do them well to the best of my abilities...give me a project and i will glady follow through with full force!... (maybe that's why I still have my job after 9+ yrs!)

since i enjoy making all of these wedding-related work, my "to do" list just keeps getting longer and longer and longer. just about a couple of hours ago, i found myself making a slideshow presentation...this, my friend, was not a part of my list. i was in the middle of working and then all of a sudden, there i was, formatting an MS Powerpoint master slide, selecting a personalized and cool background and layout and importing pictures! I am even planning on printing this presentation for all the guests to keep. I plan on placing copies of this to the welcome table. so, I really added 2 more items to my list. What the heck is wrong with me??

In addition, I also deconstructed my previously created mini crystal trees -since I wasn't liking the vases that I used - and bought new vases and created two kindof new mini crystal trees. I am also halfway done with my 7ft crystal tree that I will be placing on the head table. (Nick still hasn't started his buffet table crystal tree.... his tree is going to be the mother of all crystal trees!). I have finished designing the wedding program but I now decided on printing two separate programs - one for the ceremony and one for the reception. these two will have different cover sheets. I also did not plan on giving gifts to the secondary sponsors and now I have gifts... the list just does not end....

So.. while I enjoy all of these things are currently taking my time, I will be very relieved once I am done with them and just do the main reason for all of these planning - get married!!

I decided long ago, never to walk in anyone's shadows If I fail, if I succeed At least I live as I believe No matter what they take from me They can't take away my dignity Because the greatest love of all Is happening to me I found the greatest love of all Inside of me The greatest love of all Is easy to achieve Learning to love yourself It is the greatest love of all

In life, we are faced with different challenges and decisions every single day.
Some of them are easy and some are very hard. Hard decisions are usually the ones that define you and show who really are – your values, beliefs and morals.

I was faced with one of those defining moments this week. It did not take me long to make the hard decision since I knew it was the right thing to do. At the end of the day it only caused me relief, inner peace and joy.

The song above summed up the feeling and thoughts that I had… No matter what they take from me, they can’t take away my dignity. If I fail, if I succeed, at least I live as I believe…

I bought a wedding dress! I finally did! It’s a Maggie Sotero Couture A-line organza dress in ivory adorned with lots of Swarovski crystals! It still needs some alterations – chest area needs to be taken in a bit and the bottom needs to be hemmed. (Yeah, I am not blessed with height and big you-know-what!) It’s funny how buying a dress actually makes me feel more of a bride. I was pro renting a dress before and anti buying one but now my ideas have turned. I actually don’t even recommend renting a wedding dress anymore! Having your own dress in your hands and kept in your own home will complete your feeling of being a bride. The bride in me came to life! I love it!!!

It’s hard to plan a wedding if you are away from home – away from people who love you, away from people who know you best. A part of me wishes that I were planning my wedding in NY. ..With my family who constantly calls for updates, asks if I need help, asks for pictures of gowns that I have tried on and gives plenty of suggestions for the wedding. My stepmom -in NY- bought the wedding favors back in December, had dresses made in the Philippines in January and is going to order my jewelry for me. They already bought tickets for the wedding and know every single event that’s going on with my wedding planning. My mom, who lives here in Austin, hasn’t even seen me try on a dress and is pretty much not interested in what I do. I feel like only my family in NY (and Nick) are interested/ involved in my wedding planning.

Thank godness Nick gets himself involved with all the aspects of the wedding planning - from picking the wedding location, cake, menu, making invitations, designing centerpieces to picking the right wedding dress! I wouldn't know what I would do if Nick was like your typical guy who lets the women do all the planning...

Doesn't this template look cool??
I got bored of the old look and had to use a newer/fresher look. I think the flowers look awesome too.. thanks to the templates out there i didn't have actually write the codes for this new template!

Another thing that I constantly think of is my wedding dress. I already picked a dress to wear for my wedding but I still look at wedding websites and wonder if I made the right decision! I already changed my mind 3 times and I can't change my mind any longer since I already paid for the dress that I picked... Arrggghhh!!!
I love this dress but it doesn't give me much room for walking and dancing.. the last thing that I want is for me to not be able to dance at my own wedding! it also needs to be altered
I love this dress as well, but the pickup design needs to be fixed in a more orderly fashion...
This dress is too big and needs to be taken in from the top and altered at the bottom...

Aside from the things that are roaming in my head, I also have to think of wedding-related things that I actually have to do (not just think of)...
We had our second menu sampling this afternoon at vintage villas. so far we have tasted about 9 items that we can include in our menu and they are all very tasty! our third sampling will be next Sunday. we are going to an investment seminar tomorrow from 10am -1pm, interview a videographer at 4pm then have our engagement photo shoot at 5pm!

next week i have: trial make-up appointment, interview with another videographer, vintage villas open house with my brother, pick up nick's wedding band
things that i still have to do: make welcome bags for guests, buy gifts for bridal party,finalize centerpiece design, finalize menu, select final videographer, finalize reception table designs (welcome/guestbook signing table, cake table), finalize isle decoration, call bridemaids and ask if they have bought a dress yet, call dance troup, etc., etc., etc....

I am back to blogging!! Yay! I now have some time to waste!

Yep, that's the new me... with long hair! Can you believe it?? I can't. Well, it seems like moving to Austin brought LOTS of changes in my life!
I bought a house! I am getting married! My mother got married !!! My brother moved out of my house and now owns his own townhouse! Woppeee! I changed my brother's old room to my very own home office! I have a treadmill in my bedroom!! How great is that??

Nick and I had our very first Garage Sale! I started taking pictures again! Petite gave birth to a healthy baby boy (3rd son!) Lots of firsts and lots of changes for the better. Yay to living in Austin!