the red and blue of me

I had somewhat of a serious conversation with a co-worker today. This rarely happens since I try to maintain a safe distance between people I work with. But this afternoon was different.

He ended a 9-year relationship with his ex-gf mainly because he doesn’t see himself marrying her anytime in the future. He does however see himself getting married, but not to her. Not to the woman that he loved for nine years. Isn’t life just great??!!

I feel his pain simply because I have been there and until now I am confused as to why things are never simple.

The man I had a relationship with for almost four years loved me (probably still does) with all his heart and was probably willing to do everything for me and yet I couldn’t love him back. He would probably be a great dad, provider and husband but there was nothing for me to give to him in return. And the most f&cked up part is I do find myself getting married and having kids in the future. I can see myself being totally committed to someone and trying to make it last, but not to him.

If I can’t love a person who loves me, who the heck can I love???????
I need some sleep!